Stop comparing yourself to others, I am sure you have heard these words a lot!!
But no one tells you, why you should stop comparing yourself to others? and how do you stop comparing yourself to others?
First of all, it is simple, it’s not rocket science, you just need to deeply think why comparing yourself is just a waste of time?
When you understand, that comparing two things just don’t mean anything, there is no connection between the two things, you will stop comparing things.
Because it serves no purpose, you get to know there is no reason to put down one thing and to exaggerate another.
After reading this post, you are gonna stop comparing yourself to others,( you must!)
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
there are two reasons we compare ourselves to others,
- we want to look good
- we measure our thoughts and ideas
At first, it’s not just our fault, we have been conditioned to think this way from our childhood.
Maybe you have experienced as a child, when someone told you, that you are not smarter than your cousin, brother, or sister.
They are better than you, they bring A grades, they are neat, they are humble. ( blah blah blah)
So you thought, okay if I have to be good at something, I need to put down someone! because if have to be better then my cousin, I will have to defeat him.
This creates a mentality of defeating people, not winning for yourself! you feel happy at someone’s loss more than what you have gained.
Secondly, we measure our though, ideas, our self-esteem by comparing to others.
Admit it, you feel good when you perform better than your friend because you can measure better how good are you?
When you think, you are intelligent, the question pops up your mind, how intelligent I am? because your mind likes clarity, it does not want to be confused.
So then your mind goes to the scoreboard, if your score is more then your friend, you are more intelligent! or else he is more intelligent. even if you have scored 90%.
You got 90%, but you are still not happy, why? because your friend is more intelligent than you! The word “more” is the killer of your happiness.
Is it okay to compare ourselves to others?
in one word, it depends.
there are two ways we compare ourselves to others,
Constructive comparison is, when you are inspired by someones, you accept him as your guru! you want to learn from the person that, why is he so successful, and what can I do to be successful like him?
Destructive comparison is, when you compare yourself to others, either you feel superior or inferior, you don’t learn anything, instead, you become jealous, or it fuels your ego.
so if you are comparing yourself to learn more, it’s good, but still not the best practice ( will explain why?)
and if you are comparing to put someone down, it’s absolutely the worst thing to do.
Why comparing yourself to others is bad?
The moment when you compare one thing to another, one of them will look better and the other worst. so one of the things completely loses its qualities and abilities and strengths.
an example of comparison is, Messi vs Ronald, who is better?
Well, both of them are great players, everyone has his own skills and strengths, but we only focus on what’s better?
But if Messi looks at the stats, and see he has scored fewer goals (704 vs 737) then Ronaldo? he will forget that he has created records, and focus on the total number of goals. ( it’s not going to happen, but just an example!!!!!)
So that is why comparing yourself to others physically, mentally, in the workplace, everywhere is bad. because you lose your coolness, which you should not.
How to stop comparing yourself to others?
Now you know why you should stop comparing yourself to others? let’s understand what it takes to actually not compare yourself to others.
Here I am going to explain, what helps me to not compare myself to others.
1) Realize you are unique
This is the point, that if you understood, you will stop comparing yourself to others.
Comparing myself was one of the biggest problems in my life, I compared myself with everyone, everywhere.
So I was left confident, I was not okay the way I was! I wanted to be someone else, copying some else’s styles, behavior, and even thoughts.
But when I realized, that I am unique, there will be someone better than or worst than me, but there is no one exactly like me!
I stopped comparing myself to others because there is no point in doing so. because why would you compare an apple with a banana?
When you know you are unique,
- you will focus on yourself only
- your motivation will increase
- you will be happier
- you will not be jealous of someone
That’s what happens when you understand your true self, now if someone is taller, smarter, more intelligent, richer, or whatsoever, you understand it’s none of your business! you are what you are, and nothing will affect your life.
You might want to read: How to Stop being Too Avaialble?
2) Don’t try to be someone else
The biggest mistake people are making these days, they try to be someone else.
Are you trying to be bill gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon musk, or tom cruise? if yes, then you are making a blunder.
Because in the process of becoming someone else, you forget who are you actually? what’s unique about you?
When you try to be someone else, what happens? you will try to do something beyond your abilities, something that does not fit your personality, that does not suit you.
Here is why it does not work?
- you will copy someone
- there will be nothing new about you
- you have accepted that you are a follower
- no sense of pride
In the process of becoming someone else, you have already assumed that you are a follower. and this feeling will not allow you to be happy, there will be no sense of pride.
You will not be passionate about doing something, because you are lost, you are serving the purpose of someone else, you don’t have your own vision.
So no matter what, be yourself! and of course, the biggest form of success is, when you realize being different is okay.
3) Know your strengths and weaknesses
Life does not get easier, or more forgiving we get stronger and more resilient – Steve meraboli
When you understand your strengths, you stop comparing yourself with everyone around.
In fact, I used to compare my self with everyone, I didn’t know my strengths and ended up comparing myself with others which demotivated me.
I was good at computer programming, but I sucked at other subjects, so I would always compare myself with those guys who were good in subjects, which I was not.
Then I realized that I am trying to compete in my weak areas, I am not interested in these subjects, stop comparing my self with everyone, but still, I compared myself with computer programs.
The point is, when you define your strengths and weaknesses,
- you will not compare yourself with everyone
- the comparison circle will shrink
We compare ourselves with everyone around us, no matter how different that person is, we still try to find comparisons to put them down.
So when you find your strengths, you will be grateful for it, and you won’t have to think about others.
here is how you can identify your strengths and weaknesses.
4) You can’t be all in one
You just can not win at everything, there will be someone around the world, who will be better than you.
Some people try comparing themselves in everything, whether it’s looks, height, muscles, intelligence, what so ever, they think that they are best at everything.
It’s possible, someone will be taller then, someone will look better then you, someone will be more intelligent than you, it’s natural, and you can’t do anything about it.
For example, a bodybuilder is only a bodybuilder, it’s not important that he will be intelligent, smart, and tall. each one of us is good at something and bad at something.
The point is you can not be good at everything, it’s just not possible, so stop comparing yourself to others in everything.
5) Compare yourself with you
The only person you should be comparing yourself is the person you were yesterday – Sara davies
The only way that you can compare yourself is, to compare with your past. if your today is not better then your yesterday, you are doing something wrong.
This is so important because if you don’t compare yourself with your past, then you will compare yourself with others.
When you compare the presence of you, with your past personality,
- you will know the difference
- you will realize how much far you have come.
We are humans, we always want to feel valuable, which can only be done by comparison.
If you compare yourself with your past, you will feel better, because you have grown, you have learnt something, you have got some experiences that you can share with people.
So stop comparing yourself to others, and start comparing yourself with you only.
6) What will people say!
The most dangerous statement you will ever hear, What will people say?
Today morning, when I was in the gym, a tall and muscular guy came beside me? and I was like, look at him, he is so tall, and me just a skinny little boy!
So when I came back home, I realized that I compared myself to someone else, and I thought deeply, why did I do that?
The answer I found was, what will people think of me? how will I look as compared to him? it’s going to be so much weird.
I was afraid of people’s judgment, I was afraid if they compared us, that’s where I was wrong.
And it’s not only me, every one of us has faced such situations, where we are so jealous and insecure of someone, which is because of people’s judgment.
You need to kill this insecurity, you can’t control what people think of you, and if you care about people’s opinions, you will put yourself into an overthinking cycle.
read also: stop overthinking right now
So let the people judge you, but you don’t have to compare yourself to others, because of people’s judgment.
7) Comparison is the thief of joy
You might have heard, the comparison is the thief of joy, but how it works? let’s understand now.
Comparison is a cycle, it’s not only you who is comparing himself to someone, everyone of us compares ourselves in on or another way.
So when you say, I wish was fit like that person, the same person might be thinking about someone else, and comparing himself to others.
He might be thinking, I wish I was intelligent like this guy, and this goes on and on. because none of us is perfect, everyone feels incomplete in some way.
That’s how comparisons work, so be grateful for what you have, and stop comparing yourself to others.
8) Define your definition of success
Define your own definition of success, what success means to you, your success might not be a success for another person.
Define your financial success, how much money you want from yourself? don’t compare it with your friends or some else’s success.
Because it’s not important that you earn the same amount of money as they make, you might earn a little money, but what if you were happier even having less money?
Define what success means to you on the body level, know what kind of body you want, muscular or normal.
Again don’t compare yourself with a bodybuilder like Rock, because his body is his career, your body can’t be your career.
They are working so hard day and night, spending thousands of dollars, countless hours in the gym, then they got such kind muscles.
So you must know what success means to you, on the body, financial, and social levels. this will help you stop comparing yourself to others.
So hopefully I have convinced you, that comparison is your Enemy.
When you catch yourself comparing with others, do realize that you are just seeing their outer word, you don’t know how deep down they feel? are they really happy or is it just to show to the world?
Social media plays a big role here, most people who are living a miserable life, post the best days of their lives on Facebook, and you start to compare yourself with them, and you say these words unconsciously “I wish if I was you”
Another thing to remember is when you compare yourself with someone, you are only giving tension to your mind, nothing else.
You won’t get anything by comparing yourself, nothing. but wait! you are getting something, that is negativity.
So the end words are, stop comparing yourself to others, be yourself, love the way you are, and have fun!!!!
Do you compare yourself more often? How do you feel when you compare yourself to others ? Tell us in the comment section.