Feeling lonely after a breakup? you are not alone! there are 750,000 people who were divorced out of 2.1 million in us.
So why does it happen? when we form a relationship and then break up again? why do even we go for relationships? can’t we live our lives alone? and is living alone difficult, or have we misunderstood things?
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Why you went into a relationship?
Are you alone, or is it just your thinking? is there nothing in this world for you?
Think about this, why did you make a relationship with someone? well, because you thought you are alone, and you need someone to be completed.
Now you found someone so-called your dream partner. and you made some assumptions about him/her which may or may not be true.
In the beginning, you loved each other, you cared for each other. you did whatever you could do, to make your partner happy.
But after some time, you break up with each other, you don’t to be in a relationship anymore.
Why did you break up?
When we make a relationship with someone, we have a lot of expectations from our partner, which is not real.
Your imaginations were only love and happiness, you did not expect even a single moment when you will be sad and unhappy in your relationship.
You had the fantasies and the ideal situations in your mind, you were only exposed to the shiny side of your partner, you didn’t know that he/she has a dark side too.
So when your partner did not meet your expectations, you didn’t find the qualities which you had imagined about him/her. the arguments started and you went broken hurt!
This is the time when you decided not to live with each other anymore and broke up.
Why do you feel alone now?
You are not alone, it’s just your illusion! don’t believe me?
Ok, before falling in love, were you depressed like this, NO, you were happy at that time, but why not now?
Because you have started believing, that you are alone. when you believe you are alone! so strongly, what happens? nothing will satisfy you, no matter whatever you do.
So first of you all, you need to remove this illusion from your head, which you considered reality, you are not alone.
How to stop feeling lonely after a breakup
Ok, as you know about some of the basic things about the breakup, now let’s understand how you can stop feeling lonely after a breakup.
read also : how to be happy
1) Clean the garbage in your mind
You are sad, depressed to the level that you don’t want to live anymore, you don’t find anything interesting.
It feels like everything is just finished, I have no purpose in this life, what am I even doing, the purpose of my life has gone, and you just sit alone talking to year head.
Now it’s the time to embrace it, to accept that you made a mistake! to welcome a new life and say goodbye to the previous one.
You may be thinking why did I make such a blunder! I am so stupid, I should not have taken this decision.
But what if I tell you, that you did something amazing, this is in fact the best decision of your life.
The positive side of a breakup
Here is why this relationship loss is beneficial for you,
- you experienced a new relationship
- now you know what kind of partner you need
- you will no more fall into the love trap!
So don’t ever blame yourself, that why did you do something wrong? if you wouldn’t experience this relationship, how would you know whether you need a partner or not? or what type of partner suits you.
A breakup has it’s own power
in 1850, Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote,
It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
A break up has its own power, you can use it to construct or destruct yourself, when you do a breakup, you have very strong emotional loneliness, so to overcome this loneliness you will want to do anything.
There are two types of mindsets according to carol Dweck, which she explained in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
The growth mindset and fixed mindset, if you believe that you can expand your capabilities, you are a growth mindset, and this mindset is responsible for your success and happiness.
If you believe that you can live a better life, it’s not the end, it was just a simple failure, and one failure does not mean the end, you will be able to change your life.
Here is an example, shah Jahan( Indian emperor) made a great palace for his dead wife ( Mumtaz), this created history, it’s worth 1 Billion dollars now.
So what’s the point? use breakup as your motivation power, don’t degrade yourself, don’t destruct your self. use to make history and so something meaningful.
2) Avoid drugs to stop feeling lonely
Feelings of the breakup are so intense, you can’t get out of it easily, it hurts you!
That is why most people turn towards drugs, they take alcohol and other drugs which makes them feel better.
Do drugs make you feel better? of course, they do. so if this is the case then why should you avoid taking drugs?
When you feel better what happens?
- your mind releases dopamine
- you feel happy
- you want this happiness again
- it becomes an addiction
Is happiness addiction? yes, it is! and it’s not a bad addiction unless you are getting it the right way.
For example, when you were in a relationship, you were happy okay! you were happy because of your partner, which is a good way of getting happiness.
But when you lost your partner, you went through relationship loss, this created emotional loneliness, and now you are not happy at all.
What happens when you take drugs?
Now you are sad, depressed, and lonely. you want to avoid these feelings somehow, so you take drugs.
When you take drugs, you will feel supercharged, incredibly happy, and forget about everything. but this will be for very short period of time.
After the effects of drugs, you will feel so down, more depressed, and worthless. so now you want to get those feelings back, and to do that you will take more drugs.
This is how people become drug addicts, once you are addicted to drugs, the game is over! because you don’t have control over yourself.
so don’t even think about taking drugs to stop feeling lonely after a breakup. if you do so, you will ruin your life.
read also: how to overcome depression
3) Don’t stalk your partner
When you do a breakup, you will feel bad, you will feel alone, and you will want to get your partner back so badly.
so that’s why many people stalk their ex, they somehow wan to get him/her back, and this makes their condition even more worst.
Why you are trying to stalk? what’s the point? you know it, you won’t get him/her back, so why still you are wasting your time and energy.
When you stalk that person, you are actually reminding yourself that moment, and this makes the grief more strong, you become attached to your partner, and that is why you can’t feel better.
Here is what you need to do,
- block your ex everywhere ( FB, what’s app, insta)
- delete photos of your ex
- avoid places that remind you of your ex
Don’t even try to know your ex, forget him/her, where, why, what so ever, it’s no more your business. you are not going to think about this anymore.
4) Healing loneliness takes time
somethings just take time, you can’t do anything, but wait patiently and let the time heal it.
Here is a famous quote of warren buffet,
You can not produce a baby, by pragnanting nine women in a month
This quotation tells the whole story, you can not forget your ex by watching 10 videos or reading 20 articles a day.
Because we are so much emotionally connected to them, we did not consider them as just the part of our lives, but the whole life itself.
We have a whole new vision of life, we plan our complete life with this person, we cut off from the whole world just because of one person.
so in such a scene, when you considered someone as your life, and he/she leaves you, how would you feel?
This is gonna be worst, these feelings will be so intense, and it will take time to recover.
5) It’s okay if you are feeling lonely after a breakup
Don’t panic if you feel social or emotional loneliness after a relationship loss, because you are not alone, it happens to every one of us, and the big problem is not loneliness it’s our mindset, we curse ourselves that why we are alone.
We consider loneliness as something strange, we take it as a negative thing, but it’s completely okay, and in fact it’s good for us.
It’s not loneliness, it’s called ‘ me time ‘. you have got time for yourself, to discover your own self, to know more about yourself.
read also: how to stop overthinking everything?
6) Be expressive
After your breakup, you don’t want to talk to people, you just don’t like anything around you, in fact you hate yourself, and emotional loneliness becomes a part of you.
It’s because you don’t express your heart, you keep it yourself, you keep it so personal, you don’t want the world to know about you.
That’s wrong because when you don’t express your feelings, you keep talking to your head only, then this small matter becomes a huge problem or even a depression.
In fact, science has proved it, when you express your feelings out, you feel better, the anger, depression, anxiety, loneliness everything goes out of you, and you feel lighter.
Here is how to express your feelings,
- tell a friend or family member
- write it on paper
- talk to your own self
Express your feelings, however, you want, it’s up to you, the medium does not matter.
Trust me! expressing your feeling will heal your relationship loss, it will give you hope to live a better life, and you will be able to remove emotional loneliness.
7) Try the EFT System ( emotional freedom technique)
In our body there is an energy System, when this energy flows in our body, we feel relaxed.
But if there is mental distress or emotional loneliness, then this energy is stoped. this mental disturbance works as a block for the energy of our body.
So what you can do to allow the flow of this energy? just a simple trick, tapping.
science has proved that tapping on certain areas will remove stress, depression, and emotional distress. there are a number of proofs, in which people felt better just because of tapping.
There are some areas in our body, called ‘Meridian points’, on which if you tap, the energy will flow easily. which allows you to be more relaxed and happy.
We have 361 meridian points in our body, but not all of them are the same! some have got significance over others,we have some specific meridian points which if you tap will give you more relief and energy.
Sonia Sophia has 30 years of experience in physical therapy, she has been teaching tapping methods for years, and now she is considered to be the expert in the tapping field.
The process of feeling lonely after a breakup in a summary
If you have recently been through a breakup, and you are feeling lonely, well, let me tell you, it’s completely normal, don’t ever forget this.
now let’s dive into the process of how a breakup works.
Now let’s go to the root cause of feeling loneliness, why are you feeling lonely all the time? and why does a relationship loss cause emotional loneliness?
We are human, we always want to feel worthy, and valuable, and we do whatever we can just to increase our worth.
We think that if we make a relationship with someone, it will make us valuable, we feel more respected worthy because of our relationships.
So this is the time when we go for a relationship! we fall into the trap of loving someone, just to feel better of ourselves.
Now you have a partner, you share your every moment of life with him/her, you feel more valuable and worthy, you feel loved, you know that there is someone who cares about me.
The blunder which you make
Here you are making mistake, guess what? now he/she is not just a part of your life, you are making him/her as your whole life.
You have cut off from the whole world, you don’t need someone, you don’t think about someone, each and everything is just your partner (so-called crush)!
After some time, you have a breakup, you can’t believe it! life just turned 360 degrees, you don’t know what will happen? what will you do now? is there even anything left behind?
The problem is, that you associated your partner with your self-worth, if this person is here, you have everything, if he/she isn’t here, you are worthless! that’s your life, that’s the whole story.
You are giving your life in the hands of someone, how can you do that to yourself?
So what you should do? make a commitment now, right now!
My life is mine, and I won’t give it in the hands of others! I won’t give importance to things, more than myself, and I won’t let anyone put me down.
Your worth, value, self-esteem everything should be just because of you, you may love people, but first, learn to love yourself.
With that said, now it’s up to you, let’s see if you can keep your commitment?
Do you have any commitment, Tell us in the comment section.